What I've Been Fearing

Despite me wishing my grandmother would be invincible, yesterday, January 22, 2013, my wishes damn near destroyed me. I received a text message from my grandfather that read: "Gram in JMC with a kidney stone and LOTS of pain. Kidneys  infected and not working. Lab knew about it on Friday but didn't call. We got her to hospital via 911 yesterday 5 days after kidneys stopped working." 


I must admit I'm scared to death. She said she figured she has the flu, but around the 2 week mark I was getting suspicious. She had the flu last year and it only took her down for a few days. How the hell could this flu incapacitate a woman who her doctors say is in near perfect health. They were surprised as hell when they took a look at her heart, they said she has the heart of a 35 year-old. Yet as I sit here writing this, she's laying in a hospital bed.

I have no idea what I would do without her. She's a mother to me more-so than my real one. After being abused and left alone, she was the only person I could talk to and confide in. She got my siblings and I food when we were out. She taught me how to cook for myself, how to clean, and even how to use silverware when she figured out I had no idea what to do with it when I was nearly six. She raised me and made sure that I would be taken care of for a long time to come. She and my grandfather are paying for me to go to college, no matter the cost or where I want to go.

I got no sleep last night. I had a vivid dream about my grandfather and I getting stuck in the middle of the woods. We had to push a sleigh and she was in a wheelchair attached to the back of it. As we exited the forest we came to a beach in the middle of a raging storm. The beach was more of a narrow bridge made of brown clay/sand. We had to push the sleigh forward as water poured in from both sides, nearly drowning us each time. Yet we managed to pull through it and when we got to the other side my grandmother fell out of her wheelchair riving in pain and agony.

I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? Sit here and hope she will be okay? Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. Well this time it threw about 100 at me and I don't even have a bat.