Anyway... Happy Christmahanakwanzika! I celebrate Christmas which I will be spending this year about 2,900 miles from my father and 2,600 from my mother. In other words.. I will be with a friends family in California. Fun stuff, I know. I've met them before and they're nice which is good. I kinda wish I had been able to spend time with my grandparents, but after going down there for Thanksgiving and having to sit and eat in my mothers house I've decided it wasn't the best idea.
The holidays are always tough for me. I mean I have to get everyone presents first of all, which is made even harder because I no longer am on speaking terms with some of the people I have to send gifts. I know this seems dumb and you're probably asking yourself "Then why are you sending them something idiot?" and the answer is... It's not that simple. My family has it's own way of doing things and manipulating one another. So my not sending a present to certain people would be considered rude or a sign that I want nothing to do with them because now I'm not sending them gifts, which I had been for the past few years, and not talking to them since my less than "acceptable" departure.
I also have a really hard time remembering times when the holidays rolled around that I wasn't upset. A few years ago, for example, I finished my Christmas Eve dinner early and asked to be excused since no one at the table was talking to me. My mother and grandmother both responded immediately with conflicting answers. My mother said I had to stay and my grandmother said I could go. So I sat there for a while and everyone stared at me. My grandmother then reminded me that she said I could go, so that's what I did. When I came back everyone was staring at me with daggers in their eyes and I felt so uncomfortable that I retreated to my room for most of the evening.
Later after my grandparents and great-grandmother had left I walked to the kitchen and drank a glass of juice. I could hear my mother talking about me in the living room. She was saying something about me not being part of the family because I didn't want anything to do with them and blah blah blah. My sister warned her that I was in the kitchen and could hear everything, but she told her that I wasn't I was just in my room being the "ass" I always was. At that point I walked back through the living room and into my room where I stayed for the rest of the night. Let's just say Christmas was not that fun the next day.
Anyway whatever your struggles or issues please know that I am here to help you, to talk to, or whatever. If you haven't already you can follow me at: http://www.facebook.com/ryanriley333 . If you have any issues that you feel no one will help you with or you can't talk to people you know well in person I will talk to you. Just message me and say that you have a problem.
Happy Holidays,
R.R.
